Honestly, I am so sick of putting things off and just telling myself "tomorrow".
I have been eating like a pig, I miss how I used to be. I had so much control. I need to get back to that place...where nothing can get inside of my head, where I say what goes, and where not a single word spoken other than my own will I let get inside of my head. Right now...all I am is weak.

P-a-t-h-e-t-i-c
It is how I feel. I need to get myself back.

"Myself" Heh, funny word. I'm not sure I even know who that is anymore.

Oh fuck, here comes a rant.

You know what I am sick of? Judgment. These days you can't listen to a song without being called emo. If you listen to more than one genere you are a poser. We let others words get inside of our heads...we forget who we are. I don't even know if I like half the clothes I pick out at the store or if it is just another fase. I don't know if my personality is me or if it is just another cover up. I almost feel as though every single move I do is fake.

I want to be a little girl, I want to be pure.
I want to be pure, I want to be a little girl.

Do you remember that? Where what you looked like did not matter, and your mind was too full of fantasy to think about anything else.

I miss that.
I miss knowing who I am, and I miss loving that girl.

Taco bell or size 00? A day off from the gym or ribs showing? Fitting in with your friends or fitting into your jeans? Feeling "normal" for two seconds or feeling beautiful forever? Second best chubby girlfriend or the girl your guy's friends wish they had? Chubby sitting on the couch or thin enough to sit on his lap? The girl self conscious in her tankini or the one showing off her bikini? The one worried about her thighs rubbing together or the one who cant keep her boyfriends hands off them?

*Sigh*